Psychological affects of not knowing your father?

Barnaby Asked: Psychological affects of not knowing your father?

I'm a 15 year old guy and last time I saw my dad was when I was like 3, he was a bad guy apparently, abusive and just pretty much a flake and went on to have like 13 other kids with Many other women, I just want to know how this can affects someone growing up, I've had like 3 step dads in my life and I don't think it's the same as having a real dad, anyways I have some mental health issues(depression anxiety, social anxiety mostly with girls) could they be routed to not knowing my dad?

Answers:

Bryan Answered:
you go though life not knowing how to do guy things



Tina Answered:
Definetly! Just try to be grateful youre here today and he didnt abuse you or something! I was adopted and have lots of weird thoughts and feelings i can probably trace back to my subconcious loss. So try not to think about him if it hurts you!. Find a brotherly figure instead? Go to a boys and girls club or something. And confront yourself about it and how you can change your anxiety! Your a different person from your father so liVe life without his mistakes. You can talk to me whenever! I love like coaching people.



Daniel G Answered:
I am 24 and went 12 years without seeing my dad.During my formative years.But I'm a girl.Here's what I've figured out so far (mind you it will probably take me the rest of my life to figure out exactly how it's effected me and what to do to correct it if correction is needed).
I feel a father is a strong sense of stability and leadership.I never had that.So I had to lead myself and chose other adults to lead me.And stability just hasn't come.I have a lot of depression and anxiety too.Mostly social anxiety.I close off and feel "odd".Different than everyone else.I don't know why.
I've also always had a difficult time with relationships with men.There's so much to learn about how to deal with men in a relationship and in my life..You and I, we've never been shown these relationships properly.So, I believe, we have more to learn that most about how to do basic things like communicate with the opposite sex.(my mother as well was in and out of relationships.Bad ones.)
I have also been very angry at times.It hurts not having one of your parents there.It makes you question your worth and think there must be something wrong with you (which there isn't.Rubbish people are capable of having children.It's not your fault they suck at life.)Hurt turns into anger.Anger turns into rage.When I was 12, 13, and 14 I would have fits of anger and I would be angry with the general population and life in general and I didn't understand why.Now I realize it's because I was in so much pain.Once I learned to love myself and forgive those who have hurt me, I have become more happy, calm, and whole.
I have a lot of trouble trusting people.I think this comes from the obvious reason that a parent took off on you.Not only is there trust issues, but when I DO open up enough to trust someone, I insist that they prove their reliability time and time again because I fear abandonment.Hopefully this will pass one day too.
Now lastly, I am thinking about you being a male and having lost your dad.I had a mother but she was never a mom.She was mentally ill and I raised myself, my sisters and sometimes, her too.So in a way I never really had a mom.That creates identity issues.You may look to men in your community that you look up to for guidance as to how to be a man or fit in in your gender group.You may look to the media to do the same thing.It can be confusing because you get so many different views.You don't really know which ones are right and which are wrong because you don't have your dad there to show you.Just make sure to choose respectable people with a stable character to show you the way.You want men who are happy to show you how to be a man.If they are miserable, they obviously don't know any better than you do.

Always take care of yourself.Look out for your number one.Pave your road to make you a happier and healthier person in the future.Think about tomorrow every day.Okay that's all my cheesyness for the day :)Good luck man.



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